I am finding more and more that my attempts at journalling end up being pleas of mercy, prayers of thanksgiving, petitions to the King of Kings. I go from the extreme of academic writing for study to poetic ramblings. I keep withholding from posting – why would I share my prayers? Aren’t they only between God and me? I could easily post daily. But there’s a lot I don’t share. I want this space to be one of transparency and honesty, a place where I can bring to light that which is true, pointing to Jesus, bringing glory to his name, and sharing the intricacies of what it means to follow Jesus, what it looks like to persevere, to keep believing and trusting even in the midst of the messy. In my current season, a neatly packaged ‘post’ isn’t possible. So, here I share one of my prayers. And my prayer for you is that you might draw near to God as he draws near to you, submitting to him and humbling yourself before him as Lord of Lords (James 4:8).
There are many unknowns ahead.
I do not know where I am going or what I am doing.
I only know myself in you.
I want to know more of your heart, your love.
How it is that you desire my love?
That you delight in my love!
May I serve you sacrificially.
May I speak life.
May I worship and praise you for all of my days.
Father I thank you for seeing my mess, this muddle, these murky waters –
and for diving deep into my heart and life
I thankyou for your life-giving truth and grace and freedom.
I surrender to you now any fear of the unknown.
I hand to you the false agreements I have let wound my covenant with you.
I claim no victimhood.
I claim the victory and identity of Christ.
Lord remind me of your truth.
Sanctify me in your truth,
Deliver me from the evil one.
Protect me from the lies I am prone to believe.
Reveal my idols to me, that I might repent of them.
Will you guard me in you?
I thank you that you do.
I am sorry for not always trusting you.
I know my passions and yearnings are not in vain.
To see your light in the darkness.
To see hope and life in barren wilderness.
To see the lost found.
To see healing to the broken soul.
To see redemption and justice.
To see beauty shoot from seeds of truth.
To see glory and grace.
To have constant communion with you.
For there to be fellowship, community, gathering, sharing.
I thank you that I can have fellowship with you in Christ.
I thank you.
For ushering in a new covenant by the blood of your Son.
For securing the covenant of your love with the seal of your Spirit.
For working in the heart of the believer.
For working in me.
You are good.
You are great.
You are glorious.
You are gracious.
You are transforming and restoring.
Continue your work in me.
May your kingdom be made known among all men.
Call and convict.
Love and lead.
Lord you know my desires.
To go abroad and bring those heart-drives alive. Maybe Asia, Africa.
Yet the past year has been an increasing reminder of the challenge here in the West.
The unrealistic striving and idealising.
The unnecessary materialism and commercialism.
The rise of spirituality yet lack of spiritual depth and growth, with no roots in your truth.
The rise in a self-generated, self-directed power and peace.
Oh Lord, have mercy.
There are all these voices in society. The distortion of messages and life directions.
By your spirit give me wisdom to discern the power and wealth dynamics that surround me.
Give me ears that test the sounds elevated around me.
Give me a mind and eyes that can see through the complexity, the contradictions, the challenges.
Help me to proclaim and state your truth.
To elevate you.
To acknowledge your authority and sovereignty.
You alone have the power to remove and approve all I do.
You alone can rescue.
Oh Lord, have mercy.
See me through these shifting seasons, these passing days.
Help me to cast aside the works of darkness for your armour of light.
I am confused as to how my passions fit together.
The creativity and ability to make connections.
The love for counselling and compassion, stories and storytelling.
Lord you are in control..
And there is this mission of making disciples.
Loving one another.
Loving you first and foremost.
And though there are many unknowns ahead.
I willing to trust and rely on what I do know.
And that is you –
The only source of truth.
Love, your Daughter
Check out John 14. I absolutely adore this chapter of the gospel of John, see especially verses 6-7, and the verses below! So many promises to grab ahold of ♥
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (15-18)