He.
He groped me.
He.
He didn’t believe me.
There are two he’s here.
One who didn’t believe.
And one who deceived.
I was confused
And
When I confessed
When I bawled
Sprawled words
A messy script coming out of my mouth
He listened
But he intervened
With
With his disbelief
And so i
Held it in
I questioned
Did I imagine
No
How
How could
How could I
Imagine
Such
Such horror
Such discomfort
Such
Disgusting
Filth
That feeling
That touch
A stroke
A grope
A grab
How dare
How dare he
Who was he?
Who did he think he was?
What gave him authority over me?
Does a man dictate my power?
My worth
Is this our curse
As women?
Wearing beauty so to abuse
Wearing flesh so to be consumed
G r o p e d
It all happened so fast and it wasn’t until it was past
That he passed
That I realised
That I felt
The weight
Of his grasp
It all happened in the blink of an eye
That he stroked my thigh
And fondled my chest
His webs
Those tips
Fingers
Digging for
Slicing through
My core
It all happened in a daze
I was tired
My nervous system
My reflex
Was gone
And just like that
It all happened
And he was gone
And it all happened in a moment
And it all happened with a friend
So I stammered
In shock
Words
Worked up
Words
Working out
What to say
How to explain
But the friend
Didn’t listen
Didn’t hear
Didn’t see
My fear
My fluster
My emotions all in clusters
Let me cry out to the Lord.
What interest is my journey?
Why would I share my suffering?
W h y
…
Why not?
Well I cannot forget.
Do I need to repent?
How does one
process
Why am I sharing this.
Why now.
Why, when this is a past event.
This isnt a pity party.
I have had time to process this.
To forgive the drunken man who touched me inappropriately.
The thing that struck me.
That affected me.
That broke me…
Was that I was not alone.
The moment this happened.
It was in a public place.
A friend was a metre a way.
And when I tried to explain.
What happened when this drunken man passed me.
He did not believe me.
…
That.
That hurt me.
That made me question whether women are believed and seen.
Whether women’s experiences are validated.
This is one of many stories.
And this is one of the less startling, less scary, less striking stories.
And I still can’t shake the memory.
So I can’t imagine what it must be like for those who have been physically abused.
Raped.
How it must replay.
Over and over.
How you question your part to play.
Whether you did something.
I’m sharing because women encounter this same attention daily.
We are objectified.
And dehumanised.
…
As a Christian, I know my identity is not found in how others see me or in my body.
And as a Christian I believe in a God who is all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-loving.
He is a just God.
And he is good good Father.
He sent Jesus to deliver us from this present evil age.
(Galatians 1:3-5)
He gave himself for us.
He loves us.
His grace is enough.
…
The gospel is Good News for women.
The gospel is Good News for men.
The gospel is Good News for everyone.
…
He hears our pleas for grace.
Our cry for mercy.
He sent Jesus.
Who was crucified.
And raised from the dead.
The stone that was rejected.
The cornerstone.
In whom salvation is found.
For there is ~
No other name.
No other way.
No other hope.
Under heaven.
Among men.
By which we must be saved.
(Acts 4:10-12)
For an interesting read, #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear and #ThingsChristianWomenShouldHear have been trending on Twitter in the last 24 hours.
Check out Amy Orr-Ewing’s talk “Is Christianity Bad News For Women?“
To finish, Psalm 86 has been a real encouragement to me.
What a plea for grace.
What a God of comfort!
“I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
and they do not set you before them.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”
