there is a calling on our life
that culture has tried to
capture for centuries.
a call that so much of
our literature explores
our music expresses.
this call is a call
for something greater
than our hearts desire.
this call reflects
our heart’s purpose.
as Billie Eilish sings,
and many before her
have enquired through
philosophy and history:
“what was i made for?”
we have this question
seared into our hearts
and earlier this year
i asked God this question.
the result was this poetic prose:
…
“what is my calling in life?”
i ask the Creator of the universe
“you are called to love”
he speaks to my heart, my desire for purpose
“love? but i have failed to love so many.”
my heart aches from the weight of love
all those i have tried to love
all those i have hurt in love
all those i have overlooked in love
“my heart cannot bear the weight of this calling.”
i tell the Creator of love, the Creator of galaxies
“there are so many hearts i cannot touch.”
he knows i still wrestle
with the hearts i mishandled
and the hearts i may never reach
i worry that i will not fulfil my calling
“love only fails when you love from yourself”
he sends me shooting stars
to display the beauty and temporality of my love
my love falls short
my love has an end
“you are not called to love of your own accord”
the Creator of love wants me to learn of true love
“you are called to love in the way of Love.
Love that is not of yourself, but denies self.
Love that lays down your life for others”
i cannot love with words or actions
i cannot love of self
“that is what i have called you to do”
the Creator of Love calls me to himself
he calls me into his calling, into his love
this purpose is not to fulfil only me,
but to fulfil his plan for all humanity
that every heart may know his Love
…
this call to love is something i was learning
in the season of preparing for marriage
and then afterward, in the season of
learning what it means to be married.
i’ve been learning about how God‘s love
for us, an unconditional love, sets such
a high standard for our worldly love.
it’s something that could be intimidating
and overwhelming, but instead it’s inspiring.
this divine Love influences the way we love
others and the way we choose to step into
such a big life decision such as marriage.
love is not a “feeling”
or something that we
can put our fingerprint on:
love is something
that we are made of.
God is love.
God made us
for and in his love.
to be made in the image of God
is to be made in the image of Love.
as image-bearers we are called
to bear this image of Love to others.
…
so today, i have chosen to explore this call to love
through the lens of three characteristics of God.
these will give us an idea of what it means to
respond to this call to love and to bear this image.
we are called to love through sacrifice.
“but on earth we are in a perfect environment for
learning how to love as God loves: to abandon ourselves
to loving apparently unlovely people who remind us
that in many ways we are still very unlovely ourselves.”
[hinds’ feet on high places]
on the weekend it was our one
year wedding anniversary.
i take this invitation to
love someone for the
rest of my worldly life
as a very serious call.
there is a lot that comes
with choosing to accept
this invitation to love
another human heart.
we don’t just accept
the good parts, we
also accept the bad.
as the quote above reflects,
we are called to love the unlovely.
we are called to love, when it is hard.
we are called to love, when it hurts.
we are called to love, when it is ugly.
we are called to love.
which means:
we need to learn
to give love, not
just receive love.
we need to learn to love another
in the ways that they receive love.
we need to learn to love another
by asking after their heart desires.
we need to learn to communicate our hearts
and our souls and our thoughts with someone
who is not God and who is therefore unable
to listen and tend to our needs as we so desire.
the call to marriage is really a call
to learn the limits of being human.
the call to any relationship where
affection and care are shown
are a reminder of our limits.
there are conditions to our love.
we cannot show unconditional
love to another (only God can).
we will fail one another, hurt one another,
and our love will never be enough to fulfil.
only God’s love is enough.
only God’s love satisfies.
…
so how do we love beyond our self,
beyond our conditions, beyond our limits?
regardless of whether we are single or married,
we are called to first and foremost love God and
in and through this love, we learn to love others.
we love, because he first loved.
[1 john 4:19]
we love from His love.
this is how we learn to love,
irrespective of our self.
we can only love from His love, if we allow
ourselves to receive and be filled by His love.
His love is a gift.
when we receive this gift of Love, we learn
that it is freely given and unconditional.
when we try to give and receive this gift
from our own self, we realise that our love
is conditional, and it is not freely given.
we are called then, into a Love that goes
beyond our selves, our conditions and our limits.
this is a call into a divine Love, a sacred romance.
…
it may be premature to write about
marriage after only one year married.
but love, which is a driving force in marriage,
is also a driving force in understanding God.
for God is Love.
and Love requires three things:
a Lover. a Beloved. and the Love that is between them.
this is the sacred romance, the divine dance
of Father, Son and Spirit (God, three in one).
this kind of Love is captivating, intriguing.
true Love is unconditional and of this kind:
forever Loving, Loved and Love in nature.
when we are married, we are called to not just
“love others”, but specifically, to love our spouse, and
to invite this sacred romance to govern our love.
this is a call to love sacrificially, in the same way
in which Christ was sacrificial in his love covenant,
as he laid down his life for his bride, the church.
our greatest call as a husband and wife is:
to love
to serve
to invest
to encourage
to empower
to uplift .
to sacrifice our own needs and desires
to share the needs and desires of another.
to have a mutual exchange
of need and desire
in the relationship.
in all natural relationships there may be
broken exchanges
unhealthy power dynamics
or balances at play
but in a healthy God-fearing marriage
there will be a call to sacrifice
and to serve one another.
“serve one another through love”
[galations 5:13]
we are called:
to serve
to sacrifice
to lay down our lives
for the sake of Love
why?
we are called to love
in the same way
that Jesus loves.
in the same way
that God loves us.
in the same way
the Spirit teaches us.
this kind of love is a call.
it’s an invitation
and it’s something
that we cannot take lightly.
we are called to love
by denying our self
[matthew 16:24]
so that we may love
others as our self
[matthew 22:39]
notice that Jesus is subtly shifting
to focus from love of self to other?
Jesus is speaking against what our
current culture has unfortunately
esteemed in self-love and self-help.
instead, Jesus call us to self-denial.
so much of the love that culture touts
is founded in pursuit of pleasure, and
the desire for self-gratification. but this
love only leaves us empty, wanting more.
we are forever yearning, forever empty,
if we do not look for love in the right place.
interestingly, the kind of love that Jesus
invites us into isn’t a love that leaves us
feeling empty – but it is a love that requests
us to empty ourselves, to pour ourselves out.
Jesus modelled this by emptying himself,
“taking on the form of a servant” [philippians 2:7]
Jesus came to serve not to be served,
to give His life for others [matthew 20:28]
this is a counter-image to our culture’s love.
this is an image of Love born in sacrifice.
it is because of God’s love
for us that he sent Jesus.
Jesus was sent in love
and died in love
and rose in love.
that love may rise.
love may conquer.
Jesus served in love
and sacrificed in love
and saves in love.
and so, if we are to respond to the call
to follow Jesus, this means we are to
also respond to the call to deny ourselves.
and in responding to these calls,
we respond to the call to love.
as we look to Jesus, and are more
and more transformed into His image.
[2 corinthians 3:18]
to bear this image of Jesus
is to learn the art of sacrifice.
we are called to love
through sacrifice.
“Jesus calls us to a more selfless way, the way of the cross.
His way calls us to love purely because it’s the right thing to do,
because it honors him and glorifies his Father. Jesus emptied
himself in order to love imperfect responders. that’s real love.”
[mingling of souls, matt chandler]
we called to love through forgiveness.
there is much to learn
in the department of forgiveness.
i am someone who loves grace
grace upon grace
grace laced upon all parts of my life
but when push comes to shove
and i need to say “i forgive you”
i have a hard time saying that freely
without conditions (like an
acknowledgement of wrong).
it’s hard to say “i’m sorry”
or to say “i forgive you”
when you don’t see any remorse
or change in behaviour
or you don’t see any assurance
from the other person that they
understand your hurts and
understand how they have hurt you.
forgiveness is complex and messy as humans
but God wanted to show us that forgiveness
doesn’t have to be complex and messy.
God gave us a perfect example
of how to take away the complexity
from love and grace and forgiveness.
He gave us the cross.
Jesus says that if anyone is to follow
him, then we are to deny ourselves,
take up our own cross and follow him.
we can’t be a Jesus follower
if we don’t heed this call.
he calls us to take up our cross.
we can’t be followers of Jesus
if we don’t understand how
important that call on our life is.
once you’ve had an encounter
and experience of who Jesus is,
and how much our Father loves us:
it’s easy.
it’s a simple equation.
it’s freedom.
it’s love
it’s true.
it’s hope.
it’s life.
but when we hear this call
to deny ourselves and take up cross.
suddenly we’re being called
to a really hard way of life.
we are called to sacrifice.
we are called to suffer.
we are called to serve.
we are called to put to death
part of ourselves
which is not easy.
there will be times we fail.
there will be times we are selfish.
there will be times we will neglect.
there will also be times,
where we may be failed.
where we may be met with selfishness or stubbornness.
where we may be neglected or hurt.
but we are also called to grace.
God enables us to forgive,
as we have been forgiven.
forgiveness is the greatest gift
we have been given by God.
this gift is undeserved,
and without it, we would
not be able to receive the
gift of our Saviour’s Love.
this is not a gift we are to be selfish with.
forgiveness is the greatest gift
we can give to others, and to ourselves.
i’ve written about forgiveness before,
so will for the sake of brevity will link:
dare to forgive
knitting failure with forgiveness
growing in the forgiveness
and love department are lifelong.
we will fail to be obedient
to the call to take up our cross
if we do not learn also:
to suffer for the sake of another.
to forgive for the sake of love.
the beauty of marriage is that
we do not learn alone. we have
a life partner, who will walk with us
as we learn to deny ourselves and
take up our cross and follow Jesus.
this is the beauty of marriage:
being able to present one another before God
as holy and pure, in the sanctification
that truly comes in marriage.
as Gary Thomas reflects:
“marriage is made to make us
holy not to make us happy.”
marriage is refining, like a mirror.
in the hard edges of the mirror of self
we are called to the light, to exposure.
we are to bring ourselves before
another soul, to humble ourselves, and
to allow ourselves to be seen and known.
in this, you spend your life in proximity to someone
with a sacred vow binding you in love, and
you are called to love in the small, broken
moments of life. not just the big, beautiful
moments (like a wedding day or honeymoon).
Kara writes about this in ‘Hardest Peace’:
“sanctification—the beautiful and sometimes painful refining of a soul,
the kindness of God to involve Himself in our growth in grace.
marriage is often the beautiful tool He uses to shape our lives and
expose our edges. he uses the hard edges of our living, grows in us
forgiveness and the joy of repentance, and teaches us the beauty
and gravity of unconditional love and its ability to grow the object
of our love in amazingly beautiful directions we never expected.”
love, laced with forgiveness and grace, shapes us.
love is refining, healing and redeeming all at once.
marriage is a beautiful tool, just one example.
we learn to live the art of sacrifice and love
and forgiveness in the mirror of divine mercy.
we are called to love through trust.
trust is a scary word.
at it’s core it means believing
another’s heart and intention.
Francine Rivers, in her novel,
‘and the shofar blew’, refers to
forgiveness being a choice,
but that trust is what takes time.
this is a reminder of our free will.
we have a choice,
forgiveness is an option.
but it is also a reminder that trust
may be broken, and require repair.
if we want to grow in our love
and trust of another,
we need to allow love and grace
(forgiveness) to seal our wounds.
as Lysa Terkheurst writes,
“love given is wildly beautiful.
love received is wildly fulfilling.
but for love to thrive as true and lasting,
it must be within the safety of trust.
without trust, love will die.”
this is powerful, and highlights why,
once again, if we love from ourselves,
we will fail to love others well.
only God is truly trustworthy, and has
proven himself as steadfast in His love.
as humans, we can be untrustworthy.
unfortunately, trust issues have taken root
in our current culture, and at their core, these
are attacks from the enemy, because he wants
us to be afraid and avoidant when it comes to Love.
the enemy knows the power of true, divine Love.
the enemy knows we can safely trust in God’s Love.
but of course, the enemy wants our hearts, because
he doesn’t want us to give our hearts to God.
if the enemy can convince us that no one is safe, or
trustworthy, and that no one really loves us, then he
can prevent us from living out our relational nature.
as Brené Brown says “one of the most vulnerable parts
of loving someone is trusting that they love you back”
when it comes to God, we don’t have to fear whether
or not he will love us back, because he loved us first.
when it comes to others, Brown says we should be
generous in our assumptions. we should give them
the benefit of the doubt. we should not lose hope,
or fail to believe that people have good intentions.
if we harbour trust issues, we will not be generous
in our assumptions. we will not believe the best.
but it is safe to say that it is the exception, not the rule, that
people walk around with bad intentions (the truly evil kind).
…
but we need to ask ourselves
where does this need for
trust and safety come from?
safety is a concept we learn in the womb.
we either read cues from the outside
world, and our mother’s body, that we
are safe, and that the world is a safe place.
or, we read cues that we are not safe, and
we will therefore grow up living afraid.
we may be born into this word, and be born
into a home of love and safety. but then, we
may encounter brokenness in our lives at any
point on our journeys, that teaches us to no
longer believe the world is a safe place. when
we do not feel safe, we are not able to trust others,
let alone love them. and so it is critical that we
evaluate where we turn to for trust and safety.
only God can provide us a safe haven for our soul.
he is our safe place. he is our refuge and fortress.
“the Lord is a safe place for the oppressed—
a safe place in difficult times. those who know
your name trust you because you have not
abandoned any who seek you, Lord.“
[psalm 9:9-10]
he is steadfast in his love, a safe foundation.
we can trust in him.
when we find our safety and trust secure in Him,
we are able to love others from a place of security.
if we operate in insecurity, and look for others to
provide us with the safety and trust we long for,
then we will not find our hearts at peace.
worse, if we operate in insecurity, and distrust
others, failing to believe we are worthy of love,
then we will send signals to the world to stay away,
that our hearts have too many hard edges, when
all the heart really yearns for is to be loved.
trust can be a spectrum. some people are easy to trust,
but others may make us feel threatened or insecure.
the reason we can fail to trust others is if we have been hurt, and
someone has abused or failed to treat our hearts the way we long for.
the risk is, we internalise the fear and failure as a sign that we are not
worthy of love, and send up walls, our own fortress, to protect ourselves,
instead of turning to God’s love and allowing Him to be our fortress.
the thing about our hearts, and trust,
is that they deeply impact
our ability to receive and give love.
have you ever met someone who has trust issues?
observe them, and you will notice, that they will
operate from a deep desire for love, while at
the same time, operating from a great fear of love.
the tension, the juxtaposition,
is the reality of a broken world.
our earthly love is forever subject to brokenness,
but this is why we are called to a Divine love.
here are some helpful quotes on trust:
“i’ve found one of the best filters you
can use to trust someone is when there’s
nothing for them to gain from their advice.”
[love does, bob goff]
“they decided they wanted to have control more than love;
knowledge more than relationship. they decided to trust
themselves more than God and believed the lie that
he was keeping something good away from them….”
[woven, angie smith]
“God doesn’t just give us Himself.
sometimes He gives us a few other people
in our lives whose voices we can trust.”
[everybody always, bob goff]
to finish:
i truly do believe that the greatest
call on my life when it comes to
loving my husband is too encourage
and empower him to be the man
that God has called him to be.
i’m called to uplift him,
to strengthen him
to speak words of life over him.
in doing so, i both respect
that man God has made him,
and honour the role God has
given me, as helper (ezer).
this word helper has been
greatly misunderstood.
we see this word helper in genesis of Eve
as she is called to partner with Adam [2:18].
we also see this word helper of God
[deuteronomy 33:26,29 ; psalm 121:1-2]
to refer to a sustainer, a dependable source
of support and strength. when we need God.
the Wild at Heart blog reminds us that
the life God calls us to is not a safe life.
this is why we need Him as our ezer.
and this is why, when a husband has a wife,
he has a dependant, a support and strength.
we may not always be safe,
or without fear and distrust.
but as hebrews 13:6 proclaims:
“we can confidently say, “the Lord is my helper;
i will not fear; what can man do to me?”
…
now while this post is not entirely about marriage, there
is that divine Love, that sacred romance, that we are called
to, that informs how we respond to all other calls for love.
and so here is another quote from
Kara in her book ‘The Hardest Peace’:
“marriage is an illustration, a living illustration of our marriage to Jesus.
marriage is a reminder, a shadow, a picture of what is to come. when
a marriage is based on Jesus, based on love, on grace, on the goodness
of God in relationship, all who come in contact with that marriage will go
away blessed, richer, nourished. marriage is to be the place of freedom to
deeply know God’s goodness, mercy, forgiveness, and grace. it is to point
us to the ultimate Goodness, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Grace that is to come.
it is the ultimate “now and not yet” in living.”
hopefully you will see, that we are all called, regardless of our marital status,
into the ultimate Goodness, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Grace. the ultimate Love.
how can we be obedient to this call? this invitation?
we first, commit to lifelong learning the heart of Love, which is the heart of God.
from God’s love poured out to us, we love, not for the sake of self, but for the sake of others.
and we lastly, commit our hearts to trusting in our faithful, gracious, loving God.
if we allow these to shape us, we will actively be fighting against the cultural narrative of love
and the tendency of our own hearts to seek a love that does not offer eternal satisfaction.
“we are put on this Earth to learn to endure the beams of Love.”
[william blake]
this Love seems too good to be true. but it isn’t. it is the only Love that is good and true.
xx
…
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…
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