Infant in Faith

there is an open floor, tables lined, ferns on the side
the clusters are in twos
the common denominator for company
but there is a freedom in three
in the asymmetrical table
the odd number
the bouncing conversation

in three is a new dynamic of personality
in three is the trinity
the Father, Son and Spirit
in the trinity is the relationship
the revealing of different aspects of God’s character.

here i am, having a coffee
this noise, this nose
the sound, the smell

here the coffee machine roars
the table water ripples
there are vibrations here
this is the energy
my faith-friend spoke about

last night he described energy
as distinct from the spiritual realm
the matter, the movement,
that which we cannot capture
that which science has not tested

he was speaking, i was listening
but there was distance
it was me

i have been slowly
disconnecting from reality
i am aware
of the discernment
that is slowly
in this season
but what to do with this

that inner nudging
when the Spirit is prompting

how to reconcile
God’s speech from mans deeds
if experience, if testimony
is our declaration of glory?

what if we fail to honour God?
what if we miss the majesty?

why are there so many testimonies of God’s blessing?
why do we align God’s purposes with worldly prosperity?

where is Jesus in our stories?

this is not
the Jesus i see
in the Scriptures
promising a pain-free
prosperous life

this is not
the Jesus I serve
a Saviour, a Father, a Counsellour
a God removed from our suffering


He doesn’t offer
a prosperous, struggle-free, healthy life
what a false testimony

Jesus offers a healing
a wholeheartedness
that is fulfilled in eternity
at the true restoration
and submission of all
into His Father’s hands
when He returns

this is why
we press on
we run a spiritual race
because we have not
already obtained our goal
of being like Christ
we have not reached
we cannot claim
of our own
so we press forward
towards the goal
to win the prize
of this upwards call
[phil. 3:12-13]

there are no guarantees in life
b u t
there is glory to come
this is the hope we have
this is the treasure in jars of clay
this is the heavenly prize

there is truth
there is hope
b e c a u s e
he has overcome

this upwards call
is to a life
lived broken
and poured out
in light of this love, this Jesus,
his body, his blood,
his sacrifice, his resurrection
his glory, his righteousness

he, the suffering servant [is. 53]
he, the saviour not removed from the ugly
but, he, the one who ventured into the desert
who entered the darkness and came to the broken
who vacated his heavenly throne
that he may raise up a royal priesthood
[1 pet. 2:9]

the Jesus i know
is the Jesus
with scars
scars that pierce
his humanity, his hands
hands that reach out
to hold out a cup
a cup already drunk
the cup of God’s wrath

the Jesus i know
is the Jesus
with scars

scars that bleed
as he holds
his humanity
his divinity
in this offering
of an empty cup

the liquid in this cup
has been replaced
there is a new offering
a new wineskin
a new creation

Jesus extends this cup
as an invitation

to partake in his blood
to remain in him, to abide with him
to join his journey, to be with him
as brother
as friend
as family

extends the
cup of his love

and says
be filled

drink of this cup
that the Father has given to me
– this living water –
my spirit, my blood

he promises
to never leave us
or forsake us
he offers us
the opportunity
to never again
be thirsty
he invites us

you can keep coming
keep coming back to me
draw near to me
drink of this

your desires
are satisfied in me

i am the one
for whom you are searching

this love offering
this redemptive cup
is ours in Christ

we have nothing to offer Him
but He offers us exactly what we need:
fulfilment and freedom

recently i have reminded of my spiritual need:

my heart needs to see, to hear, to know
the beauty and fullness of the gospel

i have much to learn
i am an infant in faith

but i believe

and by grace
i am saved
through faith
[eph. 2:8-8]

but i do struggle
to believe

i don’t like
God’s judgement

so i pray:
help me to love your justice

i know and love
God’s grace
but i don’t like this guilt
that weighs heavy on me
or this fear of wrongdoing

so i pray:
enable me, by your Spirit
to live in freedom
to seek justice
to love mercy
to walk humbly with you

my prayer
is that you too
may listen
to your spiritual needs
do not dismiss
that inner nudging
of discernment
the Spirit’s desire
to work in you

listen to Jesus’

in me is deliverance
in me is healing
in me is sight
in me is strength
in me is power
in me is truth
in me is hope

in me

[luke 7:20-22]

Respond from the Heart