Plea For Grace


He.

He groped me.

He.

He didn’t believe me.

There are two he’s here.

One who didn’t believe.

And one who deceived.

I was confused

And

When I confessed

When I bawled

Sprawled words

A messy script coming out of my mouth

He listened

But he intervened

With

With his disbelief

And so i

Held it in

I questioned

Did I imagine

No

How

How could

How could I

Imagine

Such

Such horror

Such discomfort

Such

Disgusting

Filth

That feeling

That touch

A stroke

A grope

A grab

How dare

How dare he

Who was he?

Who did he think he was?

What gave him authority over me?

Does a man dictate my power?

My worth

Is this our curse

As women?

Wearing beauty so to abuse

Wearing flesh so to be consumed






G r o p e d

It all happened so fast and it wasn’t until it was past

That he passed

That I realised

That I felt

The weight

Of his grasp

It all happened in the blink of an eye

That he stroked my thigh

And fondled my chest

His webs

Those tips

Fingers

Digging for

Slicing through

My core

It all happened in a daze

I was tired

My nervous system

My reflex

Was gone

And just like that

It all happened

And he was gone

And it all happened in a moment

And it all happened with a friend

So I stammered

In shock

Words

Worked up

Words

Working out

What to say

How to explain

But the friend

Didn’t listen

Didn’t hear

Didn’t see

My fear

My fluster

My emotions all in clusters


Let me cry out to the Lord.

What interest is my journey?

Why would I share my suffering?

W h y 

Why not?

Well I cannot forget.

Do I need to repent?

How does one

process


Why am I sharing this.

Why now.

Why, when this is a past event.

This isnt a pity party.

I have had time to process this.

To forgive the drunken man who touched me inappropriately.

The thing that struck me.

That affected me.

That broke me…

Was that I was not alone.

The moment this happened.

It was in a public place.

A friend was a metre a way.

And when I tried to explain.

What happened when this drunken man passed me.

He did not believe me.

That.

That hurt me.

That made me question whether women are believed and seen.

Whether women’s experiences are validated.

This is one of many stories.

And this is one of the less startling, less scary, less striking stories.

And I still can’t shake the memory.

So I can’t imagine what it must be like for those who have been physically abused.

Raped.

How it must replay. 

Over and over.

How you question your part to play.

Whether you did something.

I’m sharing because women encounter this same attention daily.

We are objectified.

And dehumanised.

As a Christian, I know my identity is not found in how others see me or in my body.

And as a Christian I believe in a God who is all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing, all-loving.

He is a just God.

And he is good good Father.

He sent Jesus to deliver us from this present evil age.

(Galatians 1:3-5)

He gave himself for us.

He loves us.

His grace is enough.

The gospel is Good News for women.

The gospel is Good News for men.

The gospel is Good News for everyone.

He hears our pleas for grace.

Our cry for mercy.

He sent Jesus.

Who was crucified.

And raised from the dead.

The stone that was rejected.

The cornerstone.

In whom salvation is found.

For there is ~

No other name.

No other way.

No other hope.

Under heaven.

Among men.

By which we must be saved.

(Acts 4:10-12)


For an interesting read, #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear and #ThingsChristianWomenShouldHear have been trending on Twitter in the last 24 hours.

Check out Amy Orr-Ewing’s talk “Is Christianity Bad News For Women?

To finish, Psalm 86 has been a real encouragement to me.

What a plea for grace.

What a God of comfort!

“I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
   you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
    a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
    and they do not set you before them.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”

Respond from the Heart

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